“What are young women made of, sugar and spice and all things nice” states a rhyme written by Robert Southey in the 19th century. The expectation of niceness continues to plague women today. From a very young age, girls learn it is important to be nice and focus on pleasing others. Whether this expectation is implicit or explicit and derived from parents, the media, or peers, it exists. It exists as an expectation both men and women can have of women.
Assertiveness is considered a masculine trait, a positive attribute when men exhibit it. Some believe it is not a trait woman should display. When a woman is assertive like a man, she may be called aggressive or bitchy. As Bette Davis said, “When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.”
Multiple research studies have demonstrated that it’s harder for assertive, ambitious women to be viewed as likable. An INSEAD study determined that women need to be seen as likable or warm and caring to be considered capable. Likability is not a requirement for men’s success. A Stanford study found that women who assert themselves can be negatively impacted by their performance reviews and labeled as too aggressive. 76% of women’s reviews referenced being too aggressive, and only 24% of men’s. The contributions of men and women appear not to be evaluated equally.
When the United States Senator Kamala Harris questioned Attorney General Jeff Sessions during Senate Intelligence hearings, she was frequently interrupted by male colleagues and Sessions complained that she made him nervous. She didn’t shout, cry or curse at Sessions, and yet male news commentators accused her of being hysterical. The word hysterical is a negative gendered term meaning overemotional, frenzied or frantic. Senator Kamala Harris is not a hysterical woman; she is assertive.
In comparison, there is a multitude of examples in the media of men shouting to make a point, and there are no negative repercussions as a result. Unfortunately, the reality is when women demonstrate assertiveness, it may have a negative impact on their careers. Assertive women can be successful, but at what price?
This post is an excerpt from the book Women’s Career Myths and Realities (working title) by Lynn Schmidt. All rights reserved. Women’s Career Myths and Realities focuses on the myths that blind us and the realities that block us from career success and satisfaction. The book includes helpful strategies for overcoming challenges and achieving success.