What a Woman Firefighter Learned About Resilience - By Linda Strader
When asked to write this guest post about resiliency, I said without hesitation, “Sure! I’d be delighted to.”
However, when I sat down at the computer to do so, I stared at the blank page on the screen. I had no idea how to start. I knew what resiliency meant, but I had no idea how to relate it to myself, even though many times over the years people have told me that I was resilient—a true survivor. However, having people believe that of you, and believing it of yourself, are two very different things.
Why couldn’t I see what others could see? Maybe because I’d been trained as a young child to never speak of accomplishments or achievements. That was bragging. My father also taught me that not only were the things I did not very special, but I wasn’t either.
My resiliency probably materialized over forty years ago, when I became one of the first women hired on a fire crew with the U.S. Forest Service. Not for a moment did I think that this job was anything out of the ordinary for a woman. I had no fear of hard work, and the idea of a job that let me be in nature seemed like a perfect fit. That I was the only woman on the crew didn’t faze me either. What I hadn’t expected was the hard work would be just one of the challenges I would face.
Over my seven year career, some guys on my crew flat out said they did not like a female in their midst. Others did so more covertly. That treatment annoyed me, but I dealt with it. Once management started preventing me from taking positions for which I was fully qualified, though, my career path became harder. However, the more difficult men made my job, the more I wanted it. I looked for and found alternative ways to continue doing what I loved to do. Was that resiliency? I tended to think of it more as tenacity. Whatever you call it, I experienced a terrible blow when the world I’d built collapsed at my feet.
That was the first time my life went all to hell. Somehow, I found a way around the obstacles. Was it easy to rebuild my life? Of course not. I relied heavily on therapy, which increased my determination to not give up. Again, I searched for alternatives, and found them. Life went great, for a while. But then life decided again to test the resilience I didn’t know I had. Next up, my second career and my marriage ended, and I lost my mom. Overwhelmed, I fell into another round of depression. Again, I sought therapy. And again, I gradually found more of the resilience I didn’t know I had, and rebuilt my life by looking for alternatives.
When writing my memoir about those times, a woman I met online offered to help me with grammar and storyline. We soon became friends. It was she who caught me minimizing my tenacity and resiliency.
I remember one conversation quite clearly:
“Why aren’t you writing about how difficult this was for you, and how you overcame it all?” she asked.
I paused. “Well, because anyone would have done what I did.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she said. “Many people would have spent their lives complaining about what happened to them, and doing nothing about it. You did something about it!”
Although it was difficult for me to hear this, I decided she had a good point.
Where did this drive and resiliency come from? Is it something you are born with, or something you learn? I believe my ability to find alternatives and move forward, even when every inch of my body didn’t want to, is how I survived what many might not have. I think discovering that if one approach or solution doesn’t work, it’s time to search for a new one. What do you think? Is it time for you to search for an alternative? Are you resilient? My guess is, you are. You just haven’t found out how to tap into it yet.
About the Author
Originally from Syracuse, New York, Ms. Strader moved to Prescott, Arizona with her family in 1972. In 1976, she became one of the first women on a U.S. Forest Service fire crew in the Santa Rita Mountains south of Tucson. Summers of Fire: A Memoir of Adventure, Love and Courage is her first book, released on May 1st, 2018 by Bedazzled Ink Publishing. She is working on a prequel. In addition to writing, Ms. Strader is a landscape architect, certified arborist, and watercolor artist. She currently lives in the same area where her Forest Service career began.
You can learn more about Linda and her book at Linda’s Blog and her Facebook Author Page. Connect with her on Twitter @desertplantlove. Her book is available for purchase at the following locations: Amazon US, Amazon UK, and Barnes & Noble.
Top 12 Myths & Realities That Block Women’s Career Success – Part I
Over two hundred women have contributed to a global survey to share what blocks their career success and satisfaction. These women assessed twenty-one myths and corresponding realities and the “dirty dozen” emerged. These myths blind women to the realities they face in the workplace and the realities block women’s career success. While participants indicate that all twenty-one items on the survey are applicable, twelve rose to the top of the list as having the most negative impact on women’s careers. The twelve are presented, two at a time, in a six-part series called Top 12 Myths & Realities That Block Women’s Career Success. The first two career blockers are Assertive Behaviors and Sexist Communication Habits.
Assertive Behaviors
“The minute you step into a job where you have to be at all tough and assertive, that’s when the mischief happens. And you’re not allowed to be assertive and feminine.” – Marcia Clark
Assertiveness is considered a masculine trait, a positive attribute when men exhibit it. Some believe it is not a trait woman should display. When a woman is assertive like a man, she may be called aggressive or bitchy. Because assertiveness is perceived as a necessary attribute to be successful in business, women often believe that they can demonstrate the same level of assertiveness as men with no repercussions. The reality is that when women demonstrate assertiveness, it can have a negative impact on their careers. There are numerous studies that validate this.
Sexist Communication Habits
“My friends coined a word: hepeated. For when a woman suggests an idea and it’s ignored, but then a guy says the same thing and everyone loves it.” – Nicole Gugliucci
Many types of sexist communication habits exist on and off-the-job. Mansplaining, hepeating, and himitating to name a few. Women in the workplace may believe that their ideas will be given equal consideration to men’s. The reality is that women’s ideas are often negated, and if a man hepeats or repeats what the woman said, then the idea is heard as coming from the man and the man is given credit. The man is remembered as the one who made the suggestion. These sexist communication habits can be found everywhere. In the White House, during President Obama’s term in office, female staffers created a meeting strategy called “amplification.” Women agreed to repeat another woman’s idea and give credit to the author to amplify the idea.
Stay tuned for the next two career blockers.
This post is an excerpt from the book Women’s Career Myths and Realities (working title) by Lynn Schmidt. All rights reserved. Women’s Career Myths and Realities focuses on the myths that blind us and the realities that block us from career success and satisfaction. The book includes helpful strategies for overcoming challenges and achieving success.
Why Assertive Women Pay a Price for Success
“What are young women made of, sugar and spice and all things nice” states a rhyme written by Robert Southey in the 19th century. The expectation of niceness continues to plague women today. From a very young age, girls learn it is important to be nice and focus on pleasing others. Whether this expectation is implicit or explicit and derived from parents, the media, or peers, it exists. It exists as an expectation both men and women can have of women.
Assertiveness is considered a masculine trait, a positive attribute when men exhibit it. Some believe it is not a trait woman should display. When a woman is assertive like a man, she may be called aggressive or bitchy. As Bette Davis said, “When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.”
Multiple research studies have demonstrated that it’s harder for assertive, ambitious women to be viewed as likable. An INSEAD study determined that women need to be seen as likable or warm and caring to be considered capable. Likability is not a requirement for men’s success. A Stanford study found that women who assert themselves can be negatively impacted by their performance reviews and labeled as too aggressive. 76% of women’s reviews referenced being too aggressive, and only 24% of men’s. The contributions of men and women appear not to be evaluated equally.
When the United States Senator Kamala Harris questioned Attorney General Jeff Sessions during Senate Intelligence hearings, she was frequently interrupted by male colleagues and Sessions complained that she made him nervous. She didn’t shout, cry or curse at Sessions, and yet male news commentators accused her of being hysterical. The word hysterical is a negative gendered term meaning overemotional, frenzied or frantic. Senator Kamala Harris is not a hysterical woman; she is assertive.
In comparison, there is a multitude of examples in the media of men shouting to make a point, and there are no negative repercussions as a result. Unfortunately, the reality is when women demonstrate assertiveness, it may have a negative impact on their careers. Assertive women can be successful, but at what price?
This post is an excerpt from the book Women’s Career Myths and Realities (working title) by Lynn Schmidt. All rights reserved. Women’s Career Myths and Realities focuses on the myths that blind us and the realities that block us from career success and satisfaction. The book includes helpful strategies for overcoming challenges and achieving success.
How Women Can Get A Resiliency Boost
Every day we encounter challenges when we are working that test our ability to be resilient, to be strong and overcome difficulties, to thrive not just survive. Some days the challenges are small, a computer problem or vendor issue. Other days the challenges are large, losing a job or a conflict with a colleague. To overcome these challenges, women need to build their ability to be resilient. What do women need to do to get that resiliency boost?
Women bring exceptional talents to the work they do, yet often face struggles to achieve fulfillment. Women need to anticipate, navigate, learn and grow from the challenges that they encounter for career success. The ability to maintain one’s resiliency and thrive in the midst of adversity is an intentional choice. When women consciously make that choice, they are better equipped to be transformed by work-related challenges.
My book, Shift Into Thrive: Six Strategies for Women to Unlock the Power of Resiliency, focuses on resiliency building strategies that have been proven to help women thrive. To determine the resiliency boost you need, answer these six, yes or no, questions:
- Do I have the right network to get the support I need during challenging times at work?
- Am I clear on my values, passions, and vision for my career?
- Do I know what development I need to be successful at the work I do?
- Am I able to focus on taking care of myself including my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs?
- Do I fully use my strengths to get my job done?
- Am I able to see the positive aspects of a challenge and not dwell on the negative?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, then that is the strategy you need to focus on building to get your resiliency boost. The purpose of Shift Into Thrive is for women to use the powerful strategies to become more resilient and avoid or overcome career challenges, resulting in an extraordinary career.
Which strategies do you need to work on to get your resiliency boost?
For more information on women, work and resiliency read my award-winning book Shift Into Thrive, listed as one of the top 60 business books written by women, by Inc.com, at Amazon http://bit.ly/ShiftThrive